Toxic Positivity
So what the hell is Toxic Positivity?
Toxic positivity is the belief that a person should be positive no matter the situation. On the surface, this can seem like quite a progressive and optimistic approach to life to ensure we don’t get swept into a world of negative emotions. However, toxic positivity does not recognise when negative emotions are actually valid and that enduring a false sense of positivity can damage our mental health.
Whitney Goodman, writer of the book Toxic Positivity writes ‘when we use toxic positivity, we are telling ourselves and others that this emotion shouldn’t exist’ which in the long-term can significantly impact our wellbeing. Banishing any form of negative emotion that comes our way can sometimes hide the true problem or worry we have in life.
How Toxic Positivity influenced my life
Before I learnt the coping mechanisms I have today, I would constantly try to portray myself as being happy and energetic due to some absurd theory that I thought I would magically snap out of the bad day I was having. One sign of toxic positivity involves hiding negative or sad emotions from the world which today seems to frown upon having a bad day. The flood of exciting and positive pictures found anywhere you look can make it very hard to come to terms with ultimately feeling like shit.
Over time, I got into the habit of shaking off a bad day which first meant suppressing any anxiety I felt at the time and simply burying deeper any problems I had. This was mainly due to the fact that I was constantly energetic and happy, which made me feel like I had a reputation to uphold and could not be seen having a bad day. Looking back, this was definitely not one of my most clever ideas.
The Action Plan
Acceptance is one of the most powerful tools in this scenario. Get into the habit of accepting that bad days are OK and remind yourself that these negative feelings are completely valid and not something you should feel guilty or ashamed of.
Before I even knew what toxic positivity was, I would constantly tell people ‘just stay positive’ or ‘come on, don’t be so negative! You need to start being more optimistic in life’. I hold my hands up here, I did try and channel my inner Tony Robbins but in reality, I was probably putting quite a bit of pressure on my friends to be happy even when they weren’t having the best day. So, instead of this consider more helpful communication like ‘I’m here if you need me’ or ‘it’s ok to have a bad day, tomorrow will be better’ which can make a real difference which I’m sure your friends will appreciate.
Finally, judging the difference between laziness and sadness can be really important in these situations. If you find someone moping around all day or procrastinating, sometimes being a bit more straight up can be beneficial in getting them to snap out of it rather than remaining in a continuous cycle which will just waste their day.